the substance of things hoped for

Do you ever have those emo moments where you just find yourself unintentionally sitting in some random place, thoughts wandering between reality and the abstract and you end up asking yourself a bunch of existential questions that you never really given much thought to before? That's what happened to me recently, when I started reading a book that a friend loaned me two years ago (sorry Geo, you’ll get it back in 4-6 weeks tops) by Elisabeth Elliot.

I’m not sure why it took me the better part of two years to crack open this particular book, but I guess it finally gained relevance to what God has been teaching me recently – about what it means to allow Jesus to be Lord of all my life. I know, this is something I should have been trying to focus on years ago, but I suppose this is one of those better late than never things. Of course, this has been an incredibly slow-moving process (mostly the limiting factors revolve around me being stubborn).

Like a lot of guys my age, my mind gets cluttered with worries about work, thoughts about relationships, and a desire to be able to gain clarity for what the future held. We’re at an exciting juncture in our lives, where we find ourselves dealing with choices that may have long-lasting effects. The questions we face, however, are mostly the same for life-altering decision as for everyday things: Is this God’s will? How can I be sure this is God’s will? Should I move to this place? Should I marry this person? What career should I follow?

I remember a bible study from 2 years ago after retreat on Exodus 13, about God leading the Israelites through the desert. If God had wanted to, He could have led them down the known path to the Promised Land. But would that have taught them to trust in Him? He led them through the desert for 40 years until they fully trusted in God's presence, power, and provision.

Last night's small group discussion had one question regarding how we are affected by the fact that God has a plan for us even before we're born. That question sparked a lot of interesting discussion, and rightly so. How should we feel? This morning, I cracked open the E.E. book and came across this rather convicting quote:

"But how in the world can I find out what God wants me to do, if I don't know what I want to do?" The logic of this question escapes me, but it is one I have heard more than once. Why not start by simply telling God you'll do anything He says? You're the servant. He's the master. It's the only reasonable approach, isn't it?

Seeing that gave me an odd tingly slightly guilty feeling, primarily because I've found myself asking that question a few times before. I think of some of the decisions I've made without consulting God first. Was that me trying to figure out what I want to do first? I wonder what plans Abraham must have had for Isaac? Here, he waited soo many years for a son. He trusted that the Lord will provide, and after years of praying and petition, his aging wife gives birth to Isaac. Can you imagine the kind of things Abraham must have thought he would do with his son? Teach him to fish, build a fire, or even whistle. What does it say about Abraham that he was willing to lift Isaac over that altar?

Great, so I know that I'm supposed to allow Jesus to be Lord of all my life. I see it as a theme throughout the bible, and in this book; so what does that look like?? (I have a friend who's favorite thing to ask in a bible study is this, so buddy, if you're reading this...I know you were thinking it!) Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure...that's what I'm going through this book in hopes of discovering. One of the key points in her book is how to wait on the Lord and how to keep lifting our gaze upward. I suppose there's no real good way to close this post, so maybe today I'll take a page out of Ernest Hemingway's book and walk away in the middle of a sente–

**to be continued**