weekend adventures with bessie

Ok…I’m a little embarrassed to be even admitting this, but since I moved into my new home back in mid-december, there’s a slight chance that I haven’t mowed the grass for a few weeks (19 to be exact…). Finally, this past weekend, after long deliberation, lawnmower research, and semi-hateful glances from various neighbors from behind their Levolor blinds, I decided to buy a Yardman lawnmower. This 158cc gas-powered beast of a machine comes packed with the raw power of four harnessed children. As I put Bessie together (don’t judge me!), my mind began to fill with visions of a perfectly manicured lawn with professional-looking stripes and circles around the trees and such. With the final piece snapping into place, I wheeled Bessie out to the front yard for a test drive. I fired it up and after a few seconds the engine was stabilizing. Now comes the fun part. :D

Gripping the pulldown handle, I pushed forward with slight ease and my lawn-mowing commences! After about 8 feet of 14 inch grass, the lawnmower stops and I quickly realize that the grass storage bag is already full. As it turns out, Bessie came with a grass receptacle that has roughly the same storage space as my grandpa’s fanny-pack. By the time I finished mowing the front and back lawn, I had to empty out this bag not once, not twice, but 28 times. 45 minutes and 2 claritin later, the lawn looks perfect (perfect is used here as a relative term, and I really mean it looks alright, with some wild grass still left around the edges). After about half hour of intense research on the Home&Garden channel, I started the edging and weedpulling part of the day.

Since I wasn’t smart enough to buy a weedwhacker/edger, I began pulling weeds and trimming the edges of the lawn with a pair of scissors slightly larger than my swiss-army knife. Since it has been a few weeks since I’ve done some yardwork, the weeds had grown to be a bit larger than I had expected. No worries, I got this. After 3 band-aids and 1.5 hours of non-stop weeding, I finally cleared the backyard of those pesky buggers (totally looked easier on the H&G channel). Now comes the highlight of the day: taking down the tree. Armed with a Black & Decker chainsaw, and in a stoically man fashion (that’s right…I said it), I went at it, tearing this bad-boy down in less than 20 minutes. For some reason, in that testosterone filled moment, I felt like Buck from Oregon Trail. Woot! Fresh supply of firewood for the wintertime! Now I just have to shoot 2 squirrels and a deer for 50 units of food to feed my wife and 3 young-uns.

Finally, at the end of the day, I wheel Bessie to the newly cleared corner of the garage (sorry Brenda, your office chair has been evicted), where it can hibernate till our next adventure. Now, what to do with all that firewood?