throwing my cap over the wall

Over the past few months, I found myself facing a number of difficult decisions that may have long lasting effects. The question that I ask myself is the same one that most people pose: How can I be sure this is God’s will? Honestly, in my decision-making process, I am almost never sure if what I arrive at is God’s will. All I can do is try to be faithful in prayer and trust that God will guide me in my decision. It’s comforting to know that God’s guidance is for both our greatest good and His greatest glory.

That was my 100 words from retreat. At the end of the weekend, we had a random discussion about God’s will out on the patio of a chipotle in Marin. We talked about knowing and understanding what His will is and at what point during the praying and discovering process do you take that step of faith. It seems that, to some people, God will is apparent before they take action. They’ve received a clear understanding that they’re meant to go in a particular direction, and so they act on it. For others, myself included, God’s will is sometimes more enigmatic. Often times, I wonder if my life was more like those who receive a clear understanding, would it be easier. I think sometimes I wonder that because I want to know His will to satisfy my own curiosity, which shouldn’t be the case. Perhaps I don’t receive a clear message because He wants me to exercise more faith in His guidance. I don’t know (that seems to be a common theme these days). At times I think it’s because I won’t take that leap of faith until I’m absolutely certain, which comes very rarely these days.

I’m very fond of the analogy of the Irish lads traveling across the countryside whose journey was blocked by a brick wall seemingly too high to scale. Throwing their caps over the wall, they had no choice but to follow. How many times, when faced with the decisions that can change our lives, we see it as a wall seemingly too high to scale? Often, when I encounter these challenges, I pray about it, talk to people wiser than me, draw from scripture, and when I don’t have a clear picture of His will, I just do nothing. I never take that first step. I’m not even certain what He wants to teach me in this situation, but it’s time to take that first step. I think I’m going to keep going with HZ and see where God leads me.