things can change so fast...

6 hours after a 5 minute phone call with my parents, I was on my way to LAX for a connecting flight to Beijing. I didn’t really have much time to send out emails or prayer requests…only whatever was necessary to make arrangements to be out of the country for a week. As I’m writing this in row 33H, I’m simply amazed how I can be so set in my regular routine that a phone call can so dramatically change the next 24 hours.

I wasn’t really certain what I would do when I got to the hospital. My grandpa, from what I understand, was already going in and out of consciousness and only has a few days left. On previous visits I’ve been able to have meaningful conversations with him about everything from the weather to God’s purpose for us. The hardest part of the conversations was trying to tell him about God.

Here’s a man that I spent my early childhood living with. He’d take me to the park down the street, going on the swings and walking by the lake. I’ve looked up to and respected this man my whole life, and yet, for me to tell him that his life is incomplete, that it lacks meaning without the presence of God, is one of the toughest things I’ve ever done. As I was rushing back to see him one last time, I was running the words to say over in my head.

The first time I walked into the hospital, the sight was unbearable at best. He is definitely one of the most dignified and respectable people I know, and this was the first time I’ve seen him…like this. I can’t stand watching people suffer, especially people I love, and the sight of him in this state was simply overwhelming.

Over the next few days, it was pretty tough for him to talk, but we went over childhood stories and everything from work to family to God. To tell you the truth, I went into the conversation about God with so much doubt. I’ve been over this conversation with him so many times over the years. Each time I got the same response. I think God shows Himself when it glorifies Him the most; when there could be no doubt that it is Him working. This is one of those Act of God moments, where the only thing I can say is to explain it is that He was working to soften my grandpa’s heart. This time, the response was different. As we prayed together, I felt such an overwhelming feeling of joy and sadness simultaneously. I felt joy for the obvious reasons, and sadness over why I had doubted Him, why I thought that God couldn’t change my grandpa.

When I left this morning…I couldn’t help but think about the two years and all the memories. I couldn’t help but think that this is most likely the last time I’ll see him. I couldn’t help but think that he’s going to be suffering a while longer as the doctors switch drugs on him daily. As I said goodbye I couldn’t help but think of the verse:

From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2