random questions & behavioral economics...

Over the last few months, I’ve been asking random questions of friends and coworkers I talk to on a regular basis. Inspired by a friend of mine, these questions are meant to provoke a better and more stimulating conversation, with the added benefit of getting to know the other person better. What’s the point of having a 20min chat with someone when the only outcome is a deeper understanding of the weekend weather forecast?

Now these questions aren’t a means for me to pry into someone else’s life. As a matter of fact every question I ask I will answer as well and the other person can ask random questions too. These questions can range from simple surface level interests to deeper life-examining topics. A question like “what’s your favorite type of pasta?” could be followed by “what would you name your first son?”

Recently, I’ve been asked by more than a few people why I like random questions. It’s really pretty simple: I want to know people more than just favorite colors and beloved sports teams. As much as I would love to hear about what your cat coughed up this morning or the blandness of you coffee, I would much rather hear about your thoughts on the recent election or the last time you cried. Of course, this only works if both people are mutually cooperative; if one reveals significantly more than the other, then the integrity of random questions is compromised. This is why it’s important to gauge the depth of random questions by “tipping the scale” a little bit at a time; however, I believe that everybody internally wants to know that kind of stuff about the other person, but are just too embarrassed to ask. Basically, the reason we ask superficial “hey how’re you? How’s the job? How’s your weekend?” questions is that there are other questions we want to ask, but in an effort to learn about the person but trying not to offend at the same time, we settle for friendly rather than controversial, sticking with universally shared interests such as jobs and weather.

This kind of behavior can even be explained in economic terms. The set of questions in a routine conversation will usually gravitate toward ones that won’t rock the boat, essentially, a bad equilibrium. This is basically a strategy that each player in the game can adopt and converge on, but isn’t a desirable outcome for anybody. By asking random questions and rocking the boat a little bit at a time, we can shift the equilibrium to a level that is more beneficial for everyone.

So that’s pretty much it. By asking random questions that slightly challenge the norm of friendly interaction, we can circumvent the delicate balance of weather and universally shared interests and have a more mutually beneficial conversation. By the way my favorite color is orange, it’s cloudy outside and I like pepperoni, bell pepper, and pineapple pizza. There. Now we can talk about something better.