a life worth nothing

As I prep for Wednesday’s small group study through Acts 20, I came across something that puzzled me. In the passage, Paul meets with some Ephesian elders for the last time, before heading across the Mediterranean Sea to Jerusalem. As he speaks with them, he remarks that he doesn’t know what’s in store for him in Jerusalem, only that wherever he goes, the holy spirit has assured him that prison and hardships await. But that’s ok, because he considers his life worth nothing.

Paul was fully aware that any day could be his last and, to him, that didn’t matter at all. In Philippians 1, Paul is torn between dying and being with Christ, and living and working for Him. He realized the opportunity to stay here and serve God was good as well. I suppose this is the best way to live. He fully understood his mortality, and the value of both living and dying for Christ. When our purpose is to glorify God, we can do it both on earth, and in a more perfect way in Heaven.

Paul states pretty plainly that he values his life at nothing except for what God has tasked him to do. He is completely focused on the task at hand and nothing more. How come I can’t be as focused as that? Sadly, at this point in my life I’m most certainly not of that mindset. Regardless of how I describe my walk with God, I’m still of the mindset that I have my plans for my life, even though God has plans for my life as well. Having the stubborn personality that I do, I need to learn that God’s plan is much greater than mine.

I guess what puzzled me was that the concept I’ve always had of how to discern what God's will for me is, essentially to be faithful in prayer and wait for God to open doors and reveal His will. I’ve had this notion that if something is God’s will, that he will open doors and things will go smoothly, and yet, here Paul says that he doesn’t know the details of what lies ahead, but the only thing he knows is that things will be hard and painful every step of the way. Hard and painful. There’s no smooth sailing, there’s no “if it’s God’s will things will just work out”. He says that he doesn’t know what will happen to him, but that the only thing the Holy Spirit has assured him, is that wherever he goes he will face prison and hardships.

In my flawed mindset of what I want vs what God wants, I think my interpretation of God’s will is tainted by my own sinful desires. Paul’s mindset in Acts 20 is very clear. I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace. (vs. 24) And that’s why he is perfectly fine with facing the prison and hardships that the Holy Spirit assures him he will face.


**shameless plug: if you're interested, please join us tomorrow night for small group (7pm) where we will meet for dinner and go through Acts 20**