an outpouring of everything good in you...

Over the past few months, so much has been said in the area of relationships. It’s like that’s the main thing on many people’s minds. In Acacia we did a whole series on singleness and relationships (aptly named joyfully single), and a good chunk of it was focused on being in God-centered relationships. Elsewhere, I see viewpoints on relationships and love and being broadcast on the radio, on TV, on blog posts, and even during sermons. That’s not necessarily a good or bad thing, it’s just something that I seem to come across a lot lately. I’m sure with valentines day around the corner, we’ll be hearing about it some more.

The other day I was on Letters of Note and came across this letter from a father to a son. In it, he gives advice to his son Thomas after he learns that Thomas has fallen in love with someone at school. I’ve included it down below (courtesy of Letters of Note…I don’t think they know…my bad…):

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First—if you are in love—that’s a good thing—that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second—There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply—of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it—and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so—only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,
Fa

I’m still building on my definition of what love is, and yet, even though I don’t necessarily subscribe to his two kinds of love (i don’t believe true love can be selfish or egotistical), the way he portrays the “good” kind of love, the “outpouring of everything good in you”, the kind that releases strength, courage, goodness, and wisdom you didn’t know you had, well that sums up a lot of what I believe love in a relationship brings out. What surprises me more, is the father in this letter is John Steinbeck, the author of Grapes of Wrath and East of Eden. I fully expected this man to have a very bleak, sad, even slightly twisted view of love. It’s nice to see this aspect of the writer that doesn’t always come out in his works.

With all this talk lately about relationships, this letter brought a smile to my face so I thought I’d share.